Kate, Princess of Wales, recently revealed that she has been diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing chemotherapy. In her recent video, Duchess Kate told her children „George, Charlotte and Louis“ with her husband Prince William, Prince of Wales and heir to the British throne, that she would „explain everything in the way they deserve.“ It took a long time,“ he said. ”
Learn the best approach to this difficult conversation in our interview with Wendy Baer, MD, chief of psycho-oncology at Emory University's Winship Cancer Institute.
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Before you decide to talk to your children, it is very important to stop and understand where you are medically and what support is available. It is very helpful to know and understand your diagnosis and treatment plan before sharing it with others. I think understanding what the diagnosis is and what the treatment plan will be will help you stay calm.
Then, when you talk to your children, give them calmness and a sense that things will be okay because you are going to do everything you can to protect yourself and your health.
Choose a time and location that is comfortable for your child. Choose a time when you can sit down and connect with your child, rather than while you're making the dishes, running errands, or trying to schedule an appointment. .
Start the conversation with your child by asking them what they would like to do. they heard it. Have you noticed something unusual, heard a call from the doctor's office, or heard you and your adult partner or other adult loved one talking about cancer? Ask them if they heard it.
Once you understand what the other person has heard, you can ask them what they are thinking and what questions they have. Depending on whether the person you're talking to is a school-aged child, teenager, or slightly older, answer questions in age-appropriate terms. Use words you would use with your child every day so that they understand. It's okay to use the word „cancer.“
Let's be honest. However, you don't have to share everything. Please share only enough information to answer the question. And it may not be the kind of question you think they have. Sometimes you'll be surprised to find out that your children will ask you things you never imagined.
If your child changes the subject, adjust accordingly. The conversation doesn't need to include a complete background on everything you've read about the diagnosis, potential treatment plans, and complications. It really needs to be about what the child is wondering about – something that answers that question.
Then, if you want to move on to what's for dinner or what to watch on TV later that night, ask to change the subject. that's ok.
Read about how to tell family and friends about your cancer.
It's okay to say you're going to the doctor, but reassure them that you're doing everything you can to keep them as safe and healthy as possible. We also want to reassure children that they are safe and that adults will be watching over them. They will also have family and friends who will be there for them.
Children often wonder about their daily routines and how their day will change because their parent is undergoing treatment. Therefore, children will want to know that their routine will continue. That's what's developmentally best for the child. This allows children to continue attending school, participating in activities, and visiting friends, giving them a sense of normalcy while their parents receive treatment.
We can tell them that cancer is a process in which our body's cells divide too quickly and that we need to stop those cells as much as possible. Explain that adjuvant chemotherapy, like other chemotherapy, is a drug that stops cells from dividing rapidly.
Hair loss is a notable physical change in children caused by some chemotherapy treatments. Although this is a hair change, you can reassure your child that hair will grow back just like it did after a haircut.
No, adults and children differ in their ability to tolerate information and convey emotions and people's lived experiences. We all have partners, spouses, best friends, girlfriends, and male friends that we can trust and talk to. Children and teenagers engage with different types of emotional processes and different abilities to process adult topics and themes.
Think about your child. What do they usually want to talk about? What do they usually want to hear about? What are typical comforts and stresses for them? And depending on the child's abilities and the child's developmental stage. to adjust how much to share.
If you need to let your child know that their treatment will leave them exhausted for the day and they won't be able to attend the basketball game, that's very reasonable. Just let me know. But you don't have to explain to them what percentage of people receiving that chemotherapy are so tired that they can't have it. It's as simple as „I'm going to take a break now, but please enjoy the game.“
One thing that is important to all caregivers, especially parents in treatment, is that if you take care of yourself as a parent, your children tend to do better, no matter what your parents are going through. I think it's about reminding yourself. So the more a parent takes care of their own health throughout the cancer journey, the more that time and energy will actually be of use to them as parents. Because it gives you enough head space and emotional space to be there for your child. In the time they are together.