As your child reaches the age range of 8 to 12, you may begin to notice subtle and obvious signs that, while he or she is no longer a child, he or she is not yet a teenager. Welcome to “Judai”!
This intermediate stage of development is a period of change. Your child will begin to become more independent. They may reach puberty. And your colleague's opinion is better than yours.
“Sometimes it surprises parents,” he says. pediatrician Sarah Ann Anderson Burnett, M.D., an adolescent medicine specialist at Columbia University.
Parents of Tweens: Does this sound familiar?
Adolescence brings with it all sorts of physical changes that remind us of our own youth. That means getting taller. body odor. hair Where there was no hair before. acne.the girl may grow up chest Then the first menstrual period begins. Boys' voices may become deeper and their testicles may become larger.
„Physical changes associated with puberty typically begin to appear as early as the age of eight in girls and nine in boys,“ says pediatrician Dr. Sharifa Glass. She is an assistant professor at the University of Houston School of Medicine.
This is a good time to discuss it with your child. This way, your child will know what to expect.
„Eight o'clock and nine o'clock are very appropriate times to start a conversation,“ says Anderson-Barnett. „It's scary for parents, but it's just as scary for kids.“ Together, we can overcome anxiety.
Your child who used to be willing to share everything with you may become more reticent and share it with their friends instead.
„They become distant from their parents and often think of their friends as family,“ says Shannon O'Dell, Ph.D., a child and adolescent psychologist in Portland, Oregon. psychologist. „This may look like fighting with or ignoring parents, rebelling against rules, or challenging parental authority.“
Get ready to experience things you might not have expected until you were a teenager.
Omar Lewis, a certified marriage and family therapist in Wellesley, Massachusetts, explains what this looks like. “Tweens are notorious for their attitude. eyesuck them teethThey react quickly, have a high pitched voice, refuse to follow commands, and use profane language toward adults,“ he says.
Tween independence is normal and expected. You have to allow it to a certain extent.
„They still need you as a parent,“ Anderson-Barnett says. „They still need structure. They still need guidance. But now they're building independence and learning to have their own voice. And that's the same thing as physical development. This is important for this development.”
By now, you may have told your child what to wear, what to eat, and what to watch. As teenagers, they will rely on their friends.
„Relationships with peers affect most of the decisions they make, their personality development, the way they speak, their behavior, their values, their beliefs, and even the way they dress, eat, and exercise” says Odell.
As a parent, you still matter. But that dynamic may feel different for both of you.
Even if your child starts to distance himself, keep talking about both normal and important topics. „The current relationship provides a great foundation for children to have more difficult and uncomfortable conversations with their parents,“ Glass says.
watch out for signs of ill health peer pressuresomething like experimenting drugs, alcohol, or sex. „Sometimes, teens start engaging in risky behavior because of encouragement from their peers,“ O'Dell said. “Because their (brain's) Because our frontal lobes are not fully developed and won't fully develop until we are 25 years old, we tend not to think deeply about the consequences of our actions. ”
Tweens have opinions about their bodies. And the impact isn't necessarily what you want. We can be influenced by comments around us or what we see online.
„The idea that I don't like my body actually starts in middle school, and as early as age 8 or 9,“ says Anderson-Barnett. She compares these harmful thoughts to seeds. If you keep the seeds watered, they will thrive as the young grow and can cause problems such as eating disorders.
Be careful about how you talk about eating habits and your child's body type. „It's clear that what they eat has an impact, but how they talk about it is determined by how they see themselves,“ says Anderson-Barnett.
Also pay attention to what you say about your own body. Your child may notice and receive those messages themselves.The healthier you are body image So that's what's better for your son or daughter.
Some older teenagers think about dating, including what gender they are attracted to. How you react matters.
„If you can support them and say, 'Okay, this is you, I'll support you,' in my personal clinical experience, you end up with a different outcome than if there was actually resistance.“ ” says Anderson-Barnett.
If you or your child feel uncomfortable talking about certain topics, consider having them talk with an adult of your choice, such as an uncle, aunt, family friend, or another person in their circle. .
„They're listening to someone they trust,“ Anderson-Barnett said. „You're basically teaching kids early on the power of networks and how to use them to their developmental advantage.“
Adults such as teachers, neighbors, and strangers may treat teens as if they are older than themselves. Research shows this is more likely to occur among black and brown tweens than white tweens, Anderson-Barnett points out.
„Even though they are young children, they may be treated as adults at school and in their interactions with other people in society,“ she says. „Your children may be even more resentful because of their own views.“ should Even though they are of a certain chronological age, they are still acting. ”
Your child may not be aware that they are experiencing what is called „adultization bias,“ so you may not know how to tell them. Ask your child if you think that may be happening.
„Talk about 'Are people treating you differently? Do you feel like you're being treated differently than your classmates?'“ says Anderson-Barnett. “I think we underestimate the power of conversation.”
As with anything else your tween is going through, start a conversation, listen, and be open-minded.