Dan Collins told Harry Levine
I have lived with major depressive disorder since I was 16 years old. My breaking point was in the spring of 1991. I was 28 years old and still living at home. My life revolved around waking up in the morning, going to work, and coming home. I fell down a rabbit hole of extreme depression and anxiety. I felt like I was being engulfed by a never-ending wave of despair and panic.
I ended up in the ER at a local hospital. She was appalled when she was told it would be several weeks before she could see a psychiatrist. The thought of her waiting a month or two for this appointment was terrifying when she felt like she might not last another minute.
My only source of refuge was sleep, which gave me no rest, no appetite, no sense of humor. In an attempt to escape, I jumped in the car and went to the mall to buy a book about mental health. I decided that if I could understand what was happening to me, I could get through it. Eventually my father said, „You're not going to figure your way out of this situation,'' and I realized he was right.
Thankfully, this episode of depression happened just as the new drug Prozac was gaining traction. I like to joke that I was the original Prozac nation. I was one of the lucky ones who responded well to this drug right away. One morning I woke up and realized that the cloud of despair was no longer covering me.
That was 30 years ago. I'm still on Prozac, but I've also learned many ways to manage my depressive episodes so I'm not caught off guard when they happen. Depression is different from a cold; it does not go away once you recover. It can occur at any time and sometimes for no apparent reason. I'll share what I found useful in hopes of helping you.
I remain active. Shortly after receiving my diagnosis, I started competitive fencing. I felt very excited. I was always the last fat kid picked to play dodgeball. It felt good to be active outside. However, fencing also helped me treat depression because it improved my concentration. It's a sport where you can't think of anything else while you're doing it. I may be in the middle of a storm with a depressive episode, but I need to push those feelings to the back of my mind so that my opponent doesn't bother me.
Social interaction also helped. After practice and on weekends, I would hang out with other members of the fencing club. During the pandemic, I think what helped keep me from falling into another depressive episode was the fact that I was on the elliptical machine for an hour every morning to get those feel-good endorphins released. (Research backs this up: Exercise has been shown to have a strong antidepressant effect on people with depression.)
But it's more than just exercise. The worst thing you can do when you're depressed is to just sit and wallow in it. When I was going through the worst depressive episode of my 20s, I was at home staring at the wall. But once I started Prozac, I felt enough and confident enough to sign up for acting classes. I realized that I needed to change my lonely lifestyle. Because that had a huge impact on how depressed I became in the first place. Even when I'm feeling my worst, I force myself to get out of bed and go to work. You need to take your focus off your mood and emotions and focus on something else.
have strong social relationships. When you're depressed, it's almost impossible to get up from it alone. You need someone else to help drag you out. I was lucky when I was diagnosed to have wonderful and supportive parents. My father was proud to be an amateur psychiatrist. He wanted to understand how I was feeling and encouraged me to get help and get better.
I'm very lucky to have an amazing wife, Tina. She understands my condition because she has schizoaffective disorder. We keep an eye on each other. We look for red flags in each other. We remind each other to take our medications and seek treatment if things get too tough. What I'm saying is, don't give depression a front seat, even if it's your travel companion.
Tina in particular also has a caring personality. She always sends me articles summarizing her interesting research on depression. When she senses that I'm about to experience an episode, she encourages me to return to therapy. Many people with this condition do not have access to that level of support. It doesn't help if the depressed person is the wrong person to go home to. It took me until I was 51 to get married because I found the right person.
receiving appropriate treatment. As far as medication goes, I've had great success. I quickly found a drug that worked. Treatment was even more difficult. Unfortunately, finding like-minded people can be more difficult than finding the right family doctor. It took me years to find a therapist who understood me, but then he passed away suddenly. I miss him every day, but thankfully he has provided skills that have helped me get through the most difficult moments.
When I'm feeling down, I have to remind myself that I can't give up. You may feel terrible for weeks or months, but you will get through it. We are all stronger than we think.
Sometimes being open about your depression can help. There is still a lot of stigma surrounding this condition, especially among men, and it is seen as a sign of weakness. But you need to talk about it to feel better. It's nothing to be ashamed of. This is similar to other chronic diseases such as type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure. As with any illness, it's okay to admit that you need help managing it.