Almost from the beginning, families face forces that can tear them apart. As families begin to mature, it becomes difficult to face the possibility of a loss of connection or the feeling that something will change.
And communication becomes even more important.
John Northman, a psychologist in Buffalo, New York, says, „The idea of feeling connected is so reinforcing for all of us. And it contributes to happiness, it contributes to mental health, and it actually improves physical health.'' It also contributes to health.“
„When people feel more connected and feel better physically, they are certainly less likely to feel depressed. Or, if they do get depressed, they come out of it better off.“ This is well known.
“Overall, it leads to feeling more psychologically supported and connected,” he said.
Research on the importance of communication in families is strong and extensive.
inside Family communication handbookAnita Vangelisti, an editor at the University of Texas and a professor at the University of Texas, writes: When families communicate, they not only send messages to each other, but also establish relationships. ”
Papers published in magazines military medicine It states that communication can undermine the two-way family. It says deployed soldiers can gain great positive feelings from talking to people at home, but in some cases, that contact can have a negative impact.
It all boils down to this: Good family communication is important because it's our families that we most often turn to for support, Vangelisti says. A lack of communication between family members can cause support systems to collapse.
Support for families comes in many forms, Vangelisti said.
emotional support: „Sharing happy moments together makes us feel better,“ she says.
respectful support: „They make us feel good about ourselves, acknowledge when we're doing well, and help us when we're not.“
network support: „That sense of belonging. It's so important to your family that you have a home base, a place where you feel accepted and you feel like you belong no matter what.“
information support: How to do things that others might have done in a different family setting.
specific support: Financial support, care packages from home, etc.
Once you know that communication is important to your family, you need to think about how to do it. Even now that everyone has a cell phone at hand, staying connected can be difficult.
Haven't heard from your relatives in a while? Can't find time to call home? Email is a great tool…except when it isn't.
„E-mail is notorious for its speed and indiscretion, which can lead to misunderstandings,“ said Arthur Bodine, a psychologist and former president of the American Psychological Association.
It is easily misunderstood because it often lacks tone.
„It makes for poor emotional communication,“ says Bourdain.
Similarly, texts, tweets, and even phone calls may lack clues that can only be gained through visual connection. Anyone who has used Skype or FaceTime knows that these forms of communication aren't always the best way to go.
Still, Vangelisti points out, something is better than nothing.
“I think what most communicators emphasize is not the channel itself, but how to handle the channel,” she says.
When children are at school or parents are away from the family, it can be difficult to know who should communicate first.
„If someone doesn't take that risk and reach out, it's not going to happen,“ Vangelisti said.
Some psychologists caution against seeking communication.
„Call me every Friday night“ is not only impossible, it can be counterproductive for someone who is stepping into a new situation. Requests don't work in that situation, Bourdain says. Understanding is possible.
„Number one, you don't call them every night or on a regular basis,“ says Bourdain, especially speaking of parents with children in college. “They shouldn't be made to feel guilty because they don't want to call their mom or dad.
„You see they have their own lives. Don't try to micromanage them there.“
Still, families who want to connect can find a way.
- Instead of making demands, call or email with questions.
- Send a card or a quick email.
- You can leave messages or send text messages without asking or expecting anything in return.
Not every story or letter has to be deep. You can talk about your dog, the weather, your health, the person who used to live next door, the new person, etc. Talking about the last funny thing Aunt Edna said might actually help strengthen your connection.
„People often want these conversations to be deep, meaningful, and impactful,“ Vangelisti said. “I think allowing them to be boring and routine is another thing we forget.
„All those boring things, that's what really makes up our relationships and our lives. By including them as part of the conversation, even when we're apart, we can make it happen in a way that really matters.“ You can stay in touch with us.”
Psychologist David Olson developed what he called the „peripatetic model of marriage and family systems“ to help examine and treat families.
Analyze three aspects of the marriage and family system.
- sense of unity
- flexibility
- communication
It suggests that for successful family communication the following are important:
- listening ability
- speaking skills
- self-disclosure
- clarity
- Continuity tracking
- respect and respect
Psychologists talk about the „family of direction“ and the „family of reproduction.“ In other words, the family you are born into and the family you create.
Because of the stress of transition, communication plays a key role in keeping both intact.
„Their physical health is already a little bit at risk under stress. Their bodies are in a stressful state,“ Vangelisti says. „So communication and relationships are so important. We just underestimate that.“
The good news is that families have a huge advantage in staying connected, even when they are in transition.
they are family.
„You have a lot of history and family ties that have been there (from childhood),“ Northman says. „Should I call it an 'accident'?“ — As we move from adolescence to adulthood, we form bonds that keep us connected. This is where families can be particularly effective. ”